Uh, Guys? I think I'm Gonna Blow a Gasket!
by jt loco brain
Summary: based off a trailer dub i found on youtube, the hangover trailer with prime videos. this is a hilarious idea, i hope it works. reviews would help, quite a bit.
1. what has come before

**A/N: so, to begin this fanfic, i will provide some back ground:**

this fic takes place in an alternate post-deadlock universe. It procedes much the same, except unicron is dead and never comes back. thus, megatron stays dead and predacons rising never happens. here is what does happen. **BTW, if you haven't watched predacons rising, go quick to **** .net** **and look up the plot.**

everything stays the same until the events at darkmount. instead of being attacked by megatron/unicron, the autobots instead find the locations that knockout told them about. they then leave darkmount and start investigating.

meanwhile, predaking recieves no answer to his beacon, so he returns to his refuge, only to find starscream, shockwave, and the clones ransacking the place. darksteel and skylynx attack predaking, but he beats them and they swear loyalty to him. starscream runs away like a little puss, and shockwave logics his way out of predaking's wrath.

starscream returns to the lab and tries to terminate the clone that shockwave was growing, reasoning that it would go to predaking's side and be another beast that would kill him. unfortunately for him, the autobots arrive and hold him long enough for the clone to awaken. ripclaw (the clone) sides with the autobots and starscream is captured. the autobots and ripclaw return to the warship and put starscream in with the others. knockout convincs the autobots that he's on their side for real, and so they let him out. the vehicons also repent, and are sent off to help bulkhead with construction.

while all this is happening, optimus and wheeljack have found the allspark and are on their way home.

shockwave and the predacons indeed go to the lab to retrieve ripclaw, and are shocked by what they find. They look at surveillance video and see what happened. predaking decides to attack the warship.

the predacons fly in and knock the warship from the sky; it crash lands on the plateau with a lot of damage. starscream is accidentally freed, and he escapes. the predacons land and transform, along with shockwave. the autobots, including knockout and ripclaw, exit the remains of their vessel. the two groups face off and words are exchanged. predaking wants to gut them, but bumblebee holds them off with the immobilizer long enough for optimus to arrive. he convinces the predacons of peace, and shockwave of amnesty. a truce is formed.

optimus then returns the allspark to the well and life returns to cybertron. optimus takes charge of the whole planet as the only prime. under his blessing, shockwave sets about recreating the entire predacon race. refugees begin to flood back to cybertron.

starscream causes a minor disturbance, convincing a few zealots to rally behind him. they are soon captured and imprisoned. optimus decides to freeze them with the immobilizer so they can't escape.

years pass. ratchet shares his synth-en discovery, thus ensuring an eternal fuel supply. shockwave and he cooperate to announce the cybermatter formula, thus allowing for miraculous healing advances and construction abilities. cybertron communicates with unit-e on earth (fowler, june, jack, miko, and raf), and technologies are exchanged. energon becomes a fuel on earth. synth-en soon follows.

mech resurfaces briefly, before being folded into unit-e as an elite r&d division, much like sector 7 from the live-action films.

years pass.

ripclaw and bulkhead form a sibling bond, with ultra magnus acting as a father figure for the two. ratchet forms a relationship with a returned citizen. her name is solarflare. smokescreen actually becomes a high-up soldier in the new elite guard. he is responsible for training new recruits, and was instrumental in allowing predacons to join the guard. he, predaking, and ratchet form a closely knit friendship.

soon, predaking announces that he and ripclaw are to be bonded (the cybertronian equivalent of marriage). the ceremony will take place in front of all of cybertron. predaking, ratchet, and smokescreen rekindle their friendship with bulkhead in light of his closeness to ripclaw. the ceremony grows nearer, and the week before it is to be, predakings friends convince him to join them in a human tradition: the bachelor party. the ceremony is set for the first day of the cybertronian week (i'll be using the earth weekday names for convenience), so the weekend beforehand the four of them will journey to earth and let loose. this is where the tale begins, as predaking and bulkhead make ready their transportation...

**A/N: that is the prelude. please tell me if this is a good idea or not.**


	2. here comes the bride

**A/N: i suppose i must write an actual chapter before you guys review, right? okay, here goes:**

Ripclaw stood before the reflecting monitor, watching the light glint off her armor. Knockout was currently buffing areas that she could not reach herself, up under her wings and around her skidplate- it was lucky that the quirky doctor didn't find such things embarrassing. She was very impressed with his work. Her armor hadn't even been this shiny on the day of her creation.

Ripclaw was very aware of Ultra Magnus and Arcee in back, watching her. Magnus had been like a father to her, and in the absence of a mother Arcee had been her best friend, helping her with all the femme issues that mechs didn't get. The cyclic lubrication, the decisions of what colors would best show off her armor's shapes. All those important things. She just couldn't get over the fact that it was really happening! After so many long solar cycles, of wondering if a predacon so great and powerful would ever notice her as anything more than a soldier, she and Predaking would be bonded. The last few days had been especially hard- she desperately wanted to tear off their armor and interface with him. But, as was custom, she would wait until the evening after- which was tonight! Ripclaw got a fit of giggles just thinking about it. She supposed it was odd- the greatest female predacon warrior reduced to tittering like a bird. But that was love.

"Oh, you look wonderful," Arcee crooned, running a digit along the lines of Ripclaw's helm. Ripclaw imagined Predaking's reaction when she finally removed the fearsome mask. Would he find her hideous, or beautiful? He told her she was beautiful with it on, but Ripclaw was certain he was just being polite. It could terrify the Gorgons of Earth legend. But what of her face beneath? There was no way to tell.

"Thank you," she said to her friend at last.

"He's lucky to have you," Magnus added. Then under his breath: "Lucky I don't shove my claw up his-"

"Dad!" Ripclaw exclaimed. The term was odd, to be used by a Cybertronian, but it was the best word to describe how she felt about Ultra Magnus. He was her daddy, the first Autobot she'd laid optics on out of the hyper-evolution chamber. He'd been punching Starscream in the face at the time, but Ripclaw was certain any human daughter would find the memory of her father beating her attempted killer to a pulp a fond one.

Magnus harumphed and crossed his arms. She understood why he didn't like Predaking. It was Predaking that had cost Magnus his hand on Earth. But considering that he and Wheeljack had just blown up the predacon clones, and beat the scrap out of Predaking, she felt the two were even.

"Not sure I should be here for this conversation," Knockout said from his position waxing Ripclaw's legs. She wasn't sure what type he used, but it made paint gleam like nothing else.

"I'm not sure _any_ of us should be here for this conversation," Ripclaw announced to the room. She fixed Magnus with a stare, and in spite of himself, the grumbling old warrior laughed. He gestured to Knockout and Arcee, and the three of them left the room. Ripclaw collapsed on her berth with a sigh.

After a moment she got up and crossed to the long distance communicator. Sitting in front of it, with her wings tucked up behind her, she felt a sense of urgency. She tapped in Predaking's number, her digit hovering over the activation key. She wanted to call him. She wanted to here him reassure her, tell her that her dread was over nothing. Evnetually, she hit the termination key, blanking the screen.

A moment later the communicator rang.

Ripclaw was startled but glad to see Smokescreen's ID appear. Doubtless Predaking was occupied, so he ordered Smokescreen to call in his stead. "Hey," she cried happily once the channel was open. For a moment there was no reply.

"Ripclaw? Are you there?" Smokescreen's voice filtered through, sounding weary, depressed, and afraid. Three things that he never was. Ripclaw's sense of dread returned with a vengeance.

"Yes," she said, "Of course. What's going on?" She hoped none of what she was feeling was translated over the communicator.

"Listen, there's- there's been an accident, everything's gotten out of hand, and-" His voice dropped off, leaving Ripclaw with an aching hole in her spark.

"Smokescreen? What's going on? Where's Predaking?"

"That's just it," he said. "We can't find Predaking."

She didn't know what to say to that, and didn't trust her vocal processor. Luckily, Smokescreen went on. "We've been searching everywhere, and we just can't figure it out."

Finally, she managed to hiss, "We are getting bonded in four megacycles!" Now she made damn sure that every ounce of her confusion and anger showed through. Ripclaw was glad that there was no one else in the room, because lubricant was working its way into her optics for the first time in her memory.

"Yeah, well," Smokescreen said, sounding scared out of his wits, "That's not going to happen." There was a long pause, and Ripclaw could just imagine Smokescreen fretting, running a palm over his helm. Finally, he admitted, "We screwed up bad."

**A/N: so there it is. what i could remember of the opening scene, with whatever embellishments i could think of to throw in there. you get an idea for who some of the characters would be, should i choose to continue. and now i will ask for you to review, message, or email. I want to know what you think of the idea, and of my style. also, if anyone can remember some details in, like, dialouge or whatever from the next scene, which i remember to be alan and doug talking around alan's father's car, it would be very helpful.**


End file.
